whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
