walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
