You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
