I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
