i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
