Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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