Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
