no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
