Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
