I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
