i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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