we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont even know how to be here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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