I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
