yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
