so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize