she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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