I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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