New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
