I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize