turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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