Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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