so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
