my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
