"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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