So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
