he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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