I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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