I want to stick my p in your. b.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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