Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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