does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
