he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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