I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
