Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
