I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
