How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
