so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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