Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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