He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.