Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
