my sisters under your porch take her home
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
