I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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