Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
