DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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