He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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