Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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