Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
