It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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