Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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