Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
