I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
