$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
