i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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