No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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