Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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