did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
