reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?