My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy