haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
