you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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