you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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