wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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