1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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