So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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