office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
